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Let's Talk About Sex: Crash Course Psychology #27
Relationships with multiple Dominants and a single submissive are rarer. The most common combination is a single Dominant and submissive couple, often in an ongoing committed relationship. Consent BDSM and legal consent which discusses when consent can be a defence to criminal liability for any injuries caused and that, for these purposes, non-physical injuries are included in the definition of grievous bodily harm. Consent is a vital element in all psychological play, and consent can be granted in many ways. Some employ a written form known as a "Dungeon negotiation form", for others a simple verbal commitment is sufficient. Consent can be limited both in duration and content. Consensual non-consensuality is a mutual agreement to be able to act as if consent has been waived within safe, sane limits. In essence it is an agreement that subject to a safe word or other restrictions, and reasonable care and commonsense, consent within defined limits will be given in advance and with the intent of being irrevocable under normal circumstances, at times without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned. As such, it is a show of extreme trust and understanding and usually undertaken only by partners who know each other well, or otherwise agree to set clear safe limits on their activities. It's not unusual to grant consent only for an hour or for an evening. When a scene lasts for more than a few hours, it's common to draft a "scene contract" that defines what will happen and who is responsible for what. It's a good way to work out what all the parties want, and usually improves the experience. Some "contracts" can become quite detailed and run for many pages, especially if a scene is to last a weekend or more. For long term consent, a "Slave contract" is often used. It is important to remember that BDSM "contracts" are only an agreement between consenting people and are usually not legally binding; in fact, the possession of one may be considered illegal in some areas. Slave contracts are simply a way of defining the nature and limits of the relationship and are not intended to carry legal force. Some ceremonies become quite elaborate, and can be as involved as a wedding or any similar ritual. Slave contracts are often negotiated for a one year term, but longer and shorter terms are possible, lifetime contracts are rare but not unknown. The limits of the slave contract can vary widely and extend into other areas of BDSM. Some people opt to be purely "sex slaves", while others who prefer domestic service identify as "service slaves". Some slaves allow their Masters or Mistresses complete latitude as to the demands that can be placed on them. It can be one of the most difficult relationships in the BDSM world to maintain, and requires special skills and experience. Equipment and accessories Edit Some people maintain a special room or area, called a Dungeon , which contains special equipment shackles , handcuffs , whips , queening stools and spanking benches or a Berkley Horse , for example used for play scenes, or they may visit a BDSM club that maintains such facilities. It can be much like a wedding band, except that only the submissive partner wears one. The traditional collar is a neck band in leather or metal, chosen, designed or even crafted by the Dominant partner. Some subs wear a "symbolic collar", often a bracelet or ankle chain, which is more subdued than the traditional collar and can pass in vanilla non-BDSM situations. It is not uncommon for a sub to have several collars for special occasions. There was once a tradition that wearing a collar with an open padlock indicated that one was seeking a partner, a closed lock indicated that one was in a relationship. This symbolism became less common after or so. This can include so-called mind games , emotional vampirism and any other forms of emotional manipulation or abuse present in any other relationship. History Edit Dominance and submission actually predate homo sapiens, and in fact it could be supposed that shortly after the second species of life evolved, one began to dominate the other. It can be hard to tell if one submits because it is pleasurable or for more practical reasons, such as food and shelter. Still there are many writings from the ancient age through the modern that would clearly indicate a willingness to submit for purely romantic reasons. A somewhat later example is the institution of courtly love , a medieval ideal wherein a Knight served his courtly lady love service with the same obedience and loyalty which he owes to his liege lord. This act was definitely submissive, and sometimes became fetishistic, with the knight performing acts of cross-dressing and self-flagellation. There are also accounts of prostitutes in most major cities that catered to male submissives, as well as masochists. In a male dominated world it was all too easy for a submissive woman to find a strict male dominant, but some women still found ways to leave husbands who were "too soft". One of the most famous works in this area was Leopold von Sacher-Masoch 's Venus im Pelz Venus in Furs, , in which the protagonist Severin entreats a woman, Wanda, to be her slave and offers to serve her and allow her to degrade him. The book has elements of both social and physical submission, and is the genesis of the term masochism coined by the 19th century psychiatrist Krafft-Ebing.
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